Dagens sjove

Dagens sjove
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#101

http://theunderweardrawer.homestead.com/scutmonkey.html

Scutmonkey er simple striber om livet som amerikansk læge/stud.


#102

20 ting du ikke vil høre under en operation!

  1. Det må vi hellere gemme. Det kan være vi skal bruge det under obduktionen.
  2. “Oh du almægtige… i dit navn ofrer vi…”
  3. “Fido! Fido! Lad være med at bide i det. Sit! Sit Fido.”
  4. “Hallo… hvis det her er nyren hvad er så…”
  5. “Ræk mig lige den der…øhh…den der tingeling.”
  6. “Shit… jeg tabte mit ur.”
  7. “Er der nogensinde nogen der har overlevet 500 ml af det her stads før?”
  8. “Der røg lyset igen.”
  9. “Der er ellers gode penge i nyrer… og ham her har jo to af dem.”
  10. “Stå stille alle sammen. Jeg tabte min ene kontaktlinse.”
  11. “Kan du ikke få det der til at lade være med at slå hele tiden. Det ødelægger min koncentration.”
  12. “Jeg hader når vi glemmer vores værktøj hernede.”
  13. “Hey, fedt… kan du også få hans ben til at dreje den forkerte vej?”
  14. “OK folkens… jeg ved at vi alle betragter det her som et eksperiment. Men lad os nu bare prøve”
  15. "Sterilt? Gulvet er blevet gjort rent igår ikke?
  16. “OK… tag billedet derovre fra. Er du gal hvor ser det mærkeligt ud.”
  17. “Denne her patient har fået alle de børn han skal ikke?”
  18. “Bare rolig jeg tror den er skarp nok.”
  19. “Brand! Det brænder… Alle folk ud af huset…”
  20. “Shit… side 123 i vejledningen mangler.”

:lol:


#103

OK, We all go the doctor for our aches, pains worries and some of us just to have someone to listen to our problems. Guess What, doctors are human too, so here is a guide of what to do and not to do.

Code of Ethical Patient Behavior (The Patient’s “‘HYPOCRATIC’ Code”)

  1. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DOCTOR TO SHARE YOUR DISCOMFORT They’ve already heard it before. Just sit back and take the pain

  2. BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES If you make your doctors unhappy, they might just make a slip with the needle as they are inserting it into your butt.

  3. TRY TO SUFFER FROM THE DISEASE FOR WHICH YOU ARE BEING TREATED Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold. It wouldn’t look to good if you are smiling when the medical books indicate you should be wincing.

  4. IT’S STILL SEXUAL HARASSMENT Even if you’re babes, your sustained and repeated come-ons to pay in “trade” are still harassment.

  5. NEVER ASK YOUR DOCTOR TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE IS DOING OR WHY HE IS DOING Hey, 6 years of medical school, 1 years in residency and another 2 or 3 in fellowships have already made it impossible for your doctor to speak normally anyway.

  6. SUBMIT TO NOVEL EXPERIMENTAL TREATMENT READILY Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest, and you might even become famous in a medical textbook, or if you really complain enough, have a procedure named after you.

  7. PAY YOUR MEDICAL BILLS PROMPTLY AND WILLINGLY See #2, Keep you doctor happy…

  8. NEVER DIE WHILE IN YOUR DOCTOR’S PRESENCE OR UNDER HIS DIRECT CARE Really bad form

  9. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR SMELLING LIKE THAT… YES WE DO SMELL YOU… TAKE A BATH Your treatment room can’t be used for others for the rest of the day and you almost killed the doctor.

  10. FARTING IS NOT “NATURAL AND ORDINARY” JUST CAUSE YOU’RE WITH A DOCTOR You may likely be told you need a referral to a “specialist” .

  11. IT TURNS OUT THE NURSES DO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU It’s a shame but true…

… inspireret af TPK


#104

The Why’s of Men

  1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
    (because they are plugged into a genius)

  2. WHY DON’T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
    (they don’t have enough time)

  3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
    (they don’t stop to ask directions)

  4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
    (because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
    (You’re laughing, aren’t you?!?!)

  5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
    (so they won’t hump women’s legs at cocktails parties)

  6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
    (you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

  7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
    (don’t know…it never happened)

And my personal favorite:
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn)


#105

Har vi tilladt kvinder at gå i skole for at kunne skrive sådan noget ævl ?
I kommer fandme snart tilbage til kødgryderne.


#106

[quote=“Dr. Lechter”:1i2qa0si]Har vi tilladt kvinder at gå i skole for at kunne skrive sådan noget ævl ?
I kommer fandme snart tilbage til kødgryderne.[/quote]

Tag det roligt kvinderettigheds forkæmper, et intelligent mennesker som dig burde kunne skelne mellem hvad der henstilles som realitet og hvad nogle mennesker stempler som humor. Det er lige præcis sådan noget reaktion jeg forventer af nogle kvinder i vores doublestandard ”kvindelig dominerende” samfund. Fx hvis der blev skrevet noget lignende angår mand forventer jeg at vi tager det som et gran salt med et smil, det kunne du måske også lære lidt af?


#107

Some weirdo flipping out while playing a video game:

http://ianknauer.com/Onyxia%20Wipe.swf

Enjoy…


#108

[quote=“Buffysboy”:1rw8p29u]Some weirdo flipping out while playing a video game:

http://ianknauer.com/Onyxia%20Wipe.swf

Enjoy…[/quote]

det er altså sort… kan nogen forklare hvad der sker :roll:


#109

Telefonen ringer i Tinitusforeningen en lørdag.

“De hører Tinitusforeningens automatiske telefonsvarer.
Kontoret har lukket, men du kan indtale en besked, når hyletonen ophører”.


#110

Professor dr. med. Hermansen holdt en forelæsning i anatomi.
Henvendt til en af de kvindelige studenter siger han:

  • "Kan De, lille frøken, fortælle mig hvilket menneskeligt organ, der kan udvide sig 30 gange?"
    Studinen rødmer og svarer:

  • "Hr. Professor, det spørgsmål vil jeg helst ikke besvare."
    Professoren henvender sig til en af de mandlige studerende,
    som hurtigt svarer:

  • “Øjets pupil.”

  • “Rigtigt, unge mand, glimrende, og De, lille frøken,
    bør nok dæmpe deres forventninger til livet.”

    :oops:


#111

Lægen og jordemoder stirrede forundret på den nyfødte. Den lå med et underfundigt smil og havde den ene hånd hårdt knyttet. Da de enelig fik hånden lukket op, fandt de en P-pille.


#112

[quote=“hassanhaidar10”:12p6xbo9]Telefonen ringer i Tinitusforeningen en lørdag.

“De hører Tinitusforeningens automatiske telefonsvarer.
Kontoret har lukket, men du kan indtale en besked, når hyletonen ophører”.[/quote]

:up:


#113

Disseksjonssalen: Ung studine intenst opptatt med å utforske penis da proffen kommer forbi.
“Frøken jeg ser De er interessert i anatomi”.
“Ja herr professor, jeg leter etter benet”.
“Da leter De nok forgjeves; men min kompliment til deres forlovede”.


#114

Nu online!! :smiley:

Spies’ berømte morgenbolledamer, hæhæ:

http://www.slemmedreng.dk/link?u=775

Synes bare, det er en fed idé :slight_smile:

[color=blue]::MG:: ho ho :roll: tror jeg flytter den til dagens sjove, posten kan ikke bære en selvstændig tråd.[/color]


#115

Rygning forbudt i restauranter? Et problem?

IKKE LÆNGERE:
http://www.nicosphere3000.com/intro.htm


#116

[quote]Rygning forbudt i restauranter? Et problem?

IKKE LÆNGERE:
http://www.nicosphere3000.com/intro.htm[/quote]

He He.

Sådan en burde følge med, hver gang der sælges en pakke cigaretter. :lol:


#117

[quote=“SKP2”:289i4vu3]Rygning forbudt i restauranter? Et problem?

IKKE LÆNGERE:
http://www.nicosphere3000.com/intro.htm[/quote]

Grinern :lol: :lol:


#118

Han er fandme godt ramt som type, jeg tror ikke der er en eneste klub i DK som ikke har en sporting bent

http://3x3m.com/files/sb/

[color=blue]::MG edit:: Flyttet til dagens sjove, læs pb![/color]


#119

Grinern… synd vi ikke så mere til de 2 tøser 8)


#120

Snippet fra et andet forum :smiley:

Fik denne fra en Finsk kollega, da jeg løkønskede med grandprix sejren!

TEMPERATURES IN FINLAND AND ELSWHERE IN THE WORLD:

+15°C / 59°F
This is as warm as it gets in Finland, so we’ll start here.
People in Spain wear winter-coats and gloves. The Finns are out in the sun, getting a tan.

+10°C / 50°F
The French are trying in vain to start their central heating.
The Finns plant flowers in their gardens.

+5°C / 41°F
Italian cars won’t start, The Finns are cruising in cabriolets.

0°C / 32°F
Distilled water freezes. The water in Vantaa river (in Finland) gets a little thicker.

-5°C / 23°F
People in California almost freeze to death. The Finns have their final barbecue before winter.

-10°C / 14°F
The Brits start the heat in their houses. The Finns start using long sleeves.

-20°C / -4°F
The Aussies flee from Mallorca. The Finns end their Midsummer celebrations. Autumn is here.

-30°C / -22°F
People in Greece die from the cold and disappear from the face of the earth.
The Finns start drying their laundry indoors.

-40°C / -40°F
Paris start cracking in the cold.
The Finns stand in line at the hotdog stands.

-50°C / -58°F
Polar bears start evacuating the North Pole.
The Finnish army postpones their winter survival training awaiting real winter weather.

-60°C / -76°F
Korvatunturi (the home for Santa Claus) freezes.
The Finns rent a movie and stay indoors.

-70°C / -94°F
The false Santa moves south. The Finns get frustrated since they
can’t store their Kossu (Koskenkorva vodka) outdoors. The Finnish
army goes out on winter survival training.

-183°C / -297.4°F
Microbes in food don’t survive.
The Finnish cows complain that the farmers’ hands are cold.

-273°C / -459.4°F
ALL atom-based movent halts.
The Finns start saying “Perkele (=damn), it’s cold outside today.”

-300°C / -508°F
Hell freezes over, Finland wins the Eurovision Song Contest.